Do Men Really Have a Greater Sex Drive? – by Eric T. Smith

The-Science-of-a-Woman ebookIn 2012 I had the privilege of working with Eric T. Smith on his book The Science of a Woman—The Art of Manhood: Keys to the Glory of Marriage. The following excerpt is from chapter 5, “If It Doesn’t Feel Good, Something Is Wrong.” This is a read-at-your-own-risk book that’s sure to mess with your ideas about what marriage and sex can really be like.


Why is it that many wonderful men have sex with wives who don’t really want to?

A pastor friend and I were discussing a book about understanding women and I pointed out that the author made a damaging error. He said that compared to a man, a woman doesn’t have a sex drive. I then drew a diagram on paper showing a man’s sex drive at one hundred and a woman’s at twenty-five. I said to him, “This is what many Christian books say isn’t it?”

He replied, “Yes, do you disagree?”

Instead of answering directly, I then asked, “And almost everyone you know has an experience that matches the books, right?”

He said, “Yes!”

I continued, “Would you agree that the implication is that God created it that way?”

He said, “Yes.”

I asked, “Would you also say that this is a conflict that couples have to work out?”

Again he agreed.

I answered, “So God created a conflict that we have to resolve. Couples negotiate an agreement because of their love for one another. The woman rises above her desire level, out of obligation, and the man comes below his desire level, out of obligation. We call this Christ-like love, giving at the expense of self for our spouse.”

Many think a man and a woman must negotiate an agreement to get along sexually.

Books say women want emotional connection and men want physical gratification. So then the woman says, Give me emotional connection and I will give you physical gratification. Maybe not so blatant but in essence that is what is communicated. Is this much different than prostitution?

It is natural to assume that your experience is the norm, especially when everyone you know feels the same. However, this result is not universal around the world and it isn’t Divine design; it is the result of conditioning.

Upon examining the nature of women growing up in this culture and considering the statistics of what girls experience in families, we will discover some startling facts of how Divine design has been manipulated to hijack and hold hostage the joy of sex for both men and women.

Some may say that men have the joy of sex, but I strongly disagree! A man’s sexuality is attached to a woman’s; it does not stand alone. He may experience the physical titillations of sex, but that is only a very small part of it. His arousal, excitement, pleasure, and satisfaction are attached to hers. If she is only partly satisfied, he cannot be fully satisfied.

Now at this point, some women may protest, “I am satisfied; we have a great time!” I would say to that woman, “You ain’t seen nothing yet!” Until we know what it can be, we have no measure of where we are.

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